Question by moonunderwater: Why does society try teaching you that there’s certain things you HAVE to do to be “normal”?
I.e. I just turned 21 five days ago, and I’m not big on drinking…I’ll probably have like the occasional glass of wine now that I can buy it, but I have absolutely zero desire to go out to clubs and get trashed or any of that.
So in the weeks before my birthday, several of my friends told me that I “HAD” to drink on my birthday because it’s “just what you have to do when you turn 21.” When I responded that I’d much rather have a nice dinner at a Japanese steakhouse or something instead, I got the “awwwww come on”s and “but you have to”s.

I also have I guess “unusual” views on dating…I don’t date guys unless I feel an extremely strong connection with them because otherwise I just feel like I’m wasting my time trying to convince myself I’m into a guy that I’m really not that crazy about, and I also avoid relationships I know are going to eventually fail because, frankly, I’m not a fan of heartbreak or spending months with someone just to have him exit your life one day.

And my sister is the complete opposite; she dates every single guy who so much as looks at her because she has to have a boyfriend all of the time. So she’s constantly making fun of me for it and trying to make me look bad in front of her friends…not just with the dating thing, but like her friend asked me to buy them alcohol, and she said “she’s not like us” in the most condescending voice ever.

Why are such shallow things supposed to define our worth in society? I don’t mean shallow in the sense that everyone who drinks to get drunk is “shallow”..I mean shallow in the sense that it sounds rather silly to me to say “if you don’t drink this beverage, you’re a loser.”

Best answer:

Answer by nickipettis
Heck if I know. I have noticed things like this my whole life, and they never made sense,

When someone says, “i’m sorry, I can’t drink, I am an alcoholic” why do have the people in the room INSIST that it is OK for him/her to have just one drink? That’s insane. But i have seen it a lot.

I really have thought about this. and the best i have come up with is that these insisting people
1) do not value you, or your right to be yourself, different
2) they may be OFFENDED that you want to be yourself, not one of the crowd
3) they flatly don’t count you as a friend if you don’t drink with them, or follow their lead in whatever they are doing.

For some reason , they see different as either insulting or as a threat.

Part of it reminds me of classic mob behavior, part of it reminds me of lemmings.

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

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Question by moonunderwater: Why does society try teaching you that there’s certain things you HAVE to do to be “normal”?
I.e. I just turned 21 five days ago, and I’m not big on drinking…I’ll probably have like the occasional glass of wine now that I can buy it, but I have absolutely zero desire to go out to clubs and get trashed or any of that.
So in the weeks before my birthday, several of my friends told me that I “HAD” to drink on my birthday because it’s “just what you have to do when you turn 21.” When I responded that I’d much rather have a nice dinner at a Japanese steakhouse or something instead, I got the “awwwww come on”s and “but you have to”s.

I also have I guess “unusual” views on dating…I don’t date guys unless I feel an extremely strong connection with them because otherwise I just feel like I’m wasting my time trying to convince myself I’m into a guy that I’m really not that crazy about, and I also avoid relationships I know are going to eventually fail because, frankly, I’m not a fan of heartbreak or spending months with someone just to have him exit your life one day.

And my sister is the complete opposite; she dates every single guy who so much as looks at her because she has to have a boyfriend all of the time. So she’s constantly making fun of me for it and trying to make me look bad in front of her friends…not just with the dating thing, but like her friend asked me to buy them alcohol, and she said “she’s not like us” in the most condescending voice ever.

Why are such shallow things supposed to define our worth in society? I don’t mean shallow in the sense that everyone who drinks to get drunk is “shallow”..I mean shallow in the sense that it sounds rather silly to me to say “if you don’t drink this beverage, you’re a loser.”

Best answer:

Answer by Don F
It is viewed as a rite of passage in college-speak. Basically they are trying to encourage you to be more outgoing when that may be in fact outside of your nature. You have every right not to participate in this rite because it is designed for the cultural norm that doesn’t befit every individual. I understand exactly where you’re coming from as I didn’t feel it to be relevant to partake in that either until a bit later in my years when I was with a more comfortable set of friends(the real kind).

Don’t take it so hard, they’re just trying to get you to be outgoing and they cannot comprehend anyone being anything but. I’m sure you are smart enough to think of something clever to weasel your way out of an awkward situation of refusing a drink .

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

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Question by moonunderwater: Why does society try teaching you that there’s certain things you HAVE to do to be “normal”?
I.e. I just turned 21 five days ago, and I’m not big on drinking…I’ll probably have like the occasional glass of wine now that I can buy it, but I have absolutely zero desire to go out to clubs and get trashed or any of that.
So in the weeks before my birthday, several of my friends told me that I “HAD” to drink on my birthday because it’s “just what you have to do when you turn 21.” When I responded that I’d much rather have a nice dinner at a Japanese steakhouse or something instead, I got the “awwwww come on”s and “but you have to”s.

I also have I guess “unusual” views on dating…I don’t date guys unless I feel an extremely strong connection with them because otherwise I just feel like I’m wasting my time trying to convince myself I’m into a guy that I’m really not that crazy about, and I also avoid relationships I know are going to eventually fail because, frankly, I’m not a fan of heartbreak or spending months with someone just to have him exit your life one day.

And my sister is the complete opposite; she dates every single guy who so much as looks at her because she has to have a boyfriend all of the time. So she’s constantly making fun of me for it and trying to make me look bad in front of her friends…not just with the dating thing, but like her friend asked me to buy them alcohol, and she said “she’s not like us” in the most condescending voice ever.

Why are such shallow things supposed to define our worth in society? I don’t mean shallow in the sense that everyone who drinks to get drunk is “shallow”..I mean shallow in the sense that it sounds rather silly to me to say “if you don’t drink this beverage, you’re a loser.”

Best answer:

Answer by Jose
Your only talking about one type of society, and that’s the type of society that likes to go out and get waasted. If you meet different people they will have different views on whats normal

In awnser to you saying shallow things define our worth id say no, theres alot more important things that do. However the fact that you dont do these things makes you seem closed minded, reserved and a bit “boring”.

You might not be but thats the stereotype that will come with it. If you think about it, it makes sense because your reluctant to try things. On the other hand, in another type of society, one that wants to settle down, you sound perfect! Your behaviour in that society would be normal and someone with a clubbers mentality would seem weird.

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Question by whatislove: Why does society try teaching you that there’s certain things you HAVE to do to be “normal”?
I.e. I just turned 21 five days ago, and I’m not big on drinking…I’ll probably have like the occasional glass of wine now that I can buy it, but I have absolutely zero desire to go out to clubs and get trashed or any of that.
So in the weeks before my birthday, several of my friends told me that I “HAD” to drink on my birthday because it’s “just what you have to do when you turn 21.” When I responded that I’d much rather have a nice dinner at a Japanese steakhouse or something instead, I got the “awwwww come on”s and “but you have to”s.

I also have I guess “unusual” views on dating…I don’t date guys unless I feel an extremely strong connection with them because otherwise I just feel like I’m wasting my time trying to convince myself I’m into a guy that I’m really not that crazy about, and I also avoid relationships I know are going to eventually fail because, frankly, I’m not a fan of heartbreak or spending months with someone just to have him exit your life one day.

And my sister is the complete opposite; she dates every single guy who so much as looks at her because she has to have a boyfriend all of the time. So she’s constantly making fun of me for it and trying to make me look bad in front of her friends…not just with the dating thing, but like her friend asked me to buy them alcohol, and she said “she’s not like us” in the most condescending voice ever.

Why are such shallow things supposed to define our worth in society? I don’t mean shallow in the sense that everyone who drinks to get drunk is “shallow”..I mean shallow in the sense that it sounds rather silly to me to say “if you don’t drink this beverage, you’re a loser.”

Best answer:

Answer by miss chams
lol! i know what you mean, i’m also 21 and not big on drinking. unfortunately some people seem to think excessive drinking and sleeping around is some sort of rite of passage…

Add your own answer in the comments!

Recommended Reading

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